As long as I can remember I’ve been a lucid dreamer. My mother taught me the trick when I was a little girl and thus I took control of my dreams.

When I am actually dreaming I direct and cast and write my dreams. I read books, I travel the world I send my cast on epic adventures that often become the stories I tell later. 

Hell I’ve even rolled the credit screen on particularly great dreams..

But the point is, one does not really have nightmares often when one can just shout ‘cut! redo!’ I mean it’s not to say I make my dreams all sweet and sunshine. NO. I hate that. lol 

I love a juicy nightmare. I will stop one that is just mildly scary and turn it into something that would make Freddy Crougar proud.

But last night I couldn’t do that. Last night I was helpless in my own dream. 

I saw the people I care about all happy and was thinking it would be one of those sappy dreams that leave you grinning when you wake up and thinking ‘gods I’m such a dork weee!’ 

But then faceless gray people came and started ripping them apart. I rushed in to try and save them, shouting at the grays to stop but there ended up appearing more. And more came and there was a sea of faceless grey things. No matter how I screamed and fought I could not escape and  could not get to my friends. I just kept fighting. Swinging my weapons and fighting even as voices laughed at me and told me it was useless, I would never succeed. 

I woke up screaming in rage… 

Staring out over the water and leaning back on my hands. The waves sounded nice and at the moment nothing was going on. A breeze tickled acrossed my neck and the lack of hair. Recently got my hair trimmed short, it looked neater and was loads easier to take care of but I did kind of miss the wild curls. 

Water washing over my toes. I loved the sound of the ocean, it was just so calming. I could zone, draw, and eventually I’d get up and go somewhere else. Well not many places to go at the moment. Most of those I knew were either out or unavailable or in the case of a certain highblood, naked as a newborn and there was no way I could keep my own composer without breaking into cackles and giggles like a silly kid over it. 

So I was just enjoying the beach and letting myself zone until I didn’t have to worry about being a troll. Was I going to miss it? Hmmm, I think so, I liked the speed and strength. I felt a bit more confident.

I wasn’t going to miss the mood swings, the itching (I had enough itching as a human!) the new growth spurt.. and well the what felt weird to me anatomy. No belly button lint cool.. Trying to deal with the troll equivalent of morning wood? Not so cool.